A flood of memories awash in my soul,
          threatening to be my undoing.
My heart aches and bleeds from confusion.
I stand, still in the place he left me,
          gripped by indecision of direction.

He darkens the door to my heart and mind
          yet not in the flesh as he had before.
An ice storm blows through much like last winter.
We readily ignore one another
          unable to mend what’s broken between us.

How do I let go of my dream?
Must I relinquish my love?
Will there ever be a man certain to stay?

My Lord beckons me to come
          back to His loving embrace.
Either way it’s turned, this is how I feel:
Torn in two, disloyal, and unruly
          both to my Savior and to my love.

A flood of memories awash in my soul
          and I tuck them away one by one.
Remembering doesn’t change what is.
So I wish them away, to preserve
          this numbness that dulls the pain of my heart.

In my hurt, I pull away
          ever hopeful he’ll follow.
But he does not come to make amends.
Instead, I’m left to wonder and ponder
          over the bleak questions in his wake.

Does my retreat simply go unnoticed?
Am I not worth the fight or effort?
Have I been deemed unworthy of great love?

The walls I’ve built to protect myself
          became an impenetrable hindrance.
Imprisoned within my own construction.
I long for those walls to crumble away
          but I can’t seem to breach the barrier.

A flood of memories awash in my soul
          but now I have not fear of drowning.
Still my Savior beckons me to come.
And so, I will hide myself in Him
          as He gently breaks me from my prison.

Author’s Note: This poem is a remake of one I wrote back in February 2008. Originally it came in at 120 lines long, but for the poetry class I took at Drury in the Fall of 2010 I decided to make it more manageable. I decided to share it here today because I’ve had numerous people in the last five years encouraging me to share what I’ve written.

My life has been in a perpetual state of flux since graduating college and so it has been difficult to find the time and space to keep up with my blog. Which really saddens me because I have derived immense pleasure from having this space to put out my thoughts on a variety of subjects. I’m not going to make any promises that I will resume this with any clockwork sort of regularity, but I will when I can find the space to write post something here and there. So until next time, I do sincerely hope you enjoy. Feel free to share with me your thoughts on this poem, tell me who your favorite poet and/or poem is, or your thoughts on poetry in general.